I see you.

You pour yourself a cup of coffee, haphazardly sloshing milk into the brew and spilling a few rouge grains of sugar on the counter top.  Out of the corner of your eye, a light flickers on, and the melodious greeting of your computer peaks your curiosity.  You take a sip, pulling back as the liquid scorches your lips.  Plopping into the arm chair, you open up a web browser on your computer.  You type in those beautiful, beautiful words....

Facebook.com

You begin to peruse your news feed to see if anything interesting has happened since you checked Facebook on your phone 20 minutes ago.  You "like" a few statuses and post your own update:

"I love the smell of coffee in the morning :)" - a nod at Apocolypse Now.  Five seconds later, a notification:  (Insert Name Here)   has liked your status.

Perhaps this is innocuous enough, but maybe it's something more.  Do we have enough information?  Should you be alarmed?  Maybe so...


In a world of social media, online videos, chats, personal websites, and endless other possibilities, how safe are we really?  Where does friendship end and cyber-stalking begin?

Before starting this post, I talked to a few of my friends about the topic.  The general consensus was curiosity and confusion...what is cyber-stalking?  Is it real?  I think my mom put it best: "I think it's more common and hidden than we realize," she said.  "Who's checking [our profile] out and we don't even know it?"

"Stalking" is defined differently in each state, but US Legal defines it as, "A person who intentionally and repeatedly follows or harasses another person and who makes a credible threat, either expressed or implied, with the intent to place that person in reasonable fear of death or serious bodily harm."  But that could be hiding in the bushes or leaving threatening voice-mails.  What happens when you volunteer the information?

To prove my point, I decided to Google myself.  I wasn't sure if I wanted to put the results in my blog, but you could all Google me just as easily.  What I found was what I expected - my Google+ account, LinkedIn, this blog, my website, and my Twitter.  But I am also extremely careful online.  I don't post my phone number or address anywhere.  My Facebook is private.

The problem with cyber-stalking is that it is hidden.  How do I know if someone is stalking me online?  Chances are, I don't, until the stalking transitions into real life.  Then, it might be too late.

I suppose a way to avoid this might be to not "friend" someone on Facebook - but how do you know?  For instance, I'm Facebook friends with ex-boyfriends.  I think things ended ok...but what if they don't?  (Don't worry, it's just an example to make a point.  My exes are fine.)

I was talking about this with my friend Niko when he proposed an anecdote: You may have a Facebook friend who you don't know is cyber-stalking you, but then it crosses into real life and they find you at locations you post on FourSquare or at a coffee shop you say that you enjoy (which is why I don't pin my location on Facebook).  Now it's a very real problem.  Now, it has transitioned into full-blown real-world stalking.

But then my response was this: Let's say I have a crush on a guy and I want to get to know him better.  I think it's creepy to stalk him online, but on my news feed it says that he's studying in a coffee shop and I decide to go "casually" run into him.  Is that cyber-stalking?  Where is the line?  When is it stalking or creepy, and when is it innocent and merely an attempt to get to know someone better in a friendly setting?

Cyber-stalking is invisible.  The stalker can have virtually no interaction with the stalk-ee, but it is stalking none the less.  What if some spends hours and hours on a "friend's" Facebook, mulling over their photos and reading everything they've ever wrote?  I can think of a situation where that's totally creepy, but I also know I've done that with friends I haven't seen since elementary school and am catching up on their life.  It's such a fine line, it's almost impossible to see.

As the Internet has gained traction, cyber-stalking laws have begun to appear.  Mostly, though, cyber-stalking can only begin to be reported if there are associated threats or harassment.  Until then, nothing can really be done - and the Internet provides a veil of anonymity that real life stalking typically does not.  Typically, cyber-stalking should be reported to the local police.  But are local police trained to help with cyber-stalking?

In 1999, the Department of Justice released a report on cyber-stalking.  The report defines cyber-stalking as "the use of the Internet, e-mail, or other electronic communications devices to stalk another person" - but usually stalking can only be reported once there is a threat of violence.  In 1999, the Internet was but a cranky infant squirming within its swaddling.  Thirteen years later, we have a rebellious and bitchy teenager, totally prepared to wreak havoc on all of us.

While the report might be outdated, the DOJ also released some guidelines for preventing and dealing with cyber-stalking. When random chat rooms and online dating are the norm, how can we protect ourselves?  I think this is a pretty good starting point:

http://www.cybertelecom.org/security/stalking.htm

All I can say is this: cherish your online privacy.  Too many times I have been in dorm rooms of my friends who are virtually stalking their latest crush who has NO Facebook privacy settings enabled.  I have been able to mail thank you cards to people who posted their address online.  In a pinch, I've called friends asking for a ride after finding their phone number on Facebook.  Sometimes, this can come in handy.  Usually, though, it's an invitation that you might not mean to send.