Ring 'er up!

Sometimes I like to think of the President as a father figure.  Some of the so-called "Founding Fathers" were presidents - John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and James Madison, for example.  Fathers, to me, are men who at least try to look after their children.  Sometimes they go astray, but it is always with good intention.  I couldn't think of a single President who set out to completely tear down our country.  They may have succeeded, but they certainly didn't do it on purpose.

That being said, fathers often hold the finances of the family - deciding where certain funds are allocated.  Imagine, if you will, a trip to the grocery store.  What should we buy?  What is too expensive?  What should we get, but maybe just the store brand?  Recently, pops released his newest budget for the upcoming year.  I decided to take a peek at that grocery store receipt for dear old dad...



To Buy


1. Lobster

The largest chunk of money will go to Health and Human Services - specifically, Medicare/Medicaid.  For those who don't know, Medicare is for the elderly and Medicaid is for low income people.  How's that for an oversimplification? - find more/better information here.  $1.18 trillion will be spent on these Medicare and Medicaid, an increase of 8.4%

But dad wants to make sure that cost starts to come down, so a lot of the Medicare/Medicaid costs will start to shift to the states.  He says this will save the federal government $17.9 billion over 10 years.  $17.9 billion?  That's about 1.19 billion pounds of lobster.  I even had to pull out my graphing calculator.

2. Filet Mignon

A weighty $885.3 billion was proposed for Social Security spending in FY2013 (FY=fiscal year.  In the US, a fiscal year starts on October 1).  This 6.7% increase is said to be "to maintain core services to workers, retirees, survivors, and people with disabilities."  In 1983, daddy Reagan put just $377 billion into Social Security.  Thirty years later, daddy Obama more than doubled the amount, even taking inflation into account.  In filet mignon terms, we could feed every person in China a filet mignon, 3 times a day, for about 22 days.

3. Wine

Any good parent would tell you that you shouldn't drink until you're older (well, they wouldn't give alcohol to an elementary school kid, anyway.  I hope).  Our dad certainly agrees, and has even reduced the third biggest spender - The Department of Defense.  Defense spending has never been big with our Blue-blooded fathers, and this one is no different.  The cuts vary, with a 10% drop in procurement, a 4% drop in operations and maintenance, and a 2.6% decrease in military personnel.

A shrink in military comes after withdrawing from Iraq and the Army would see a decrease of 72,000 by 2017.  Some programs creating drones and fighter jets would be cut altogether.  With a remaining budget of $620.3 billion, that's enough to give 9,000 cases of wine as gifts to each of the 72,000 personnel leaving the Army by 2017.

4. Bacon

Continuing to look at the meaty parts of the proposal, the Treasury can expect to see a 4.8% increase for interest on the public debt.  The IRS will get a hefty $9.2 billion, but departmental offices will get a decrease of 87.8%, leaving only $4 billion.  I guess daddy Obama is trying to bring home the bacon (har har. I couldn't help it).

5. Fruits and Veggies

Money drop off here pretty substantially.  The Department of Agriculture can expect a measly  $154.7 billion - but almost 70% of that goes to the Food and Nutrition Service.  Veterans Affairs can expect $137.4 billion coming their way under this new plan.  There's $94.9 billion waiting for Personnel Management.  And, of these mid-level organizations, the Department of Labor gets hammered.  A loss of 44.6% for the Employment and Training Administration brings the Labor Department's grand total to $89.0 billion in FY2013.  Looks like Labor won't be able to produce as much any more! (Ok, I'll quit it with the terrible puns.  Actually, no I won't...)

6. Bagels/Breads

These starchy groups see pretty level spending: Transportation gets $74.3 billion (with an astounding 103% increase to the Federal Highway Administration); $57.4 billion to groups like military retirement and other defense civil programs; $55.7 billion to education (including a 50.8% axe to the Office of Federal Student Aid.  Thanks, dad....now you're in the dog house.); $45.1 billion to Homeland Security; and similar amounts to Housing, International, Energy, State, and Justice. 

These groups might not be major players in the spending arena, but they keep us moving forward (just like carbs!).  Transportation especially serves a crucial role in our everyday commute.

7. Ramen

Although Ramen will fill you up, any college kid will tell you it's not really ideal.  The bottom-of-the-barrel groups such as the Interior, Commerce, the EPA, NASA, and the FDIC just barely keep their funding in the billions.  They may serve important roles, but you'd barely know by the numerous cuts and meager funding.  Hey, at least it comes with that delicious sodium-packed flavoring.  Chicken, anyone?

8. Table Salt

These groups get the equivalent of a participation trophy and a pat on the back.  Groups making only millions of dollars include the National Archives, Museum and Library Services, and (my personal favorite) Nuclear Regulation.  Making only $127 million, I don't know that I trust this department to regulate our nuclear devices on that budget.  The Postal Service manages to snag $78 million, which will probably still mean that mail will no longer come on Saturdays.  That being said, these salt-of-the-Earth organizations at least have enough to keep things flavorful.

Total

Dad's budget proposal for FY2013 totals $3.7 trillion in spending, with a $901 billion projected deficit.  While that's a certain improvement from the tippy-top $1.4 trillion deficit we saw in 2009 under papa G. W. Bush, all I can say is, bring back daddy Clinton's $300 billion surplus!

The question is: how much of this proposed budget will actually pass?  We forget that if the President is our father, then we have a whole bunch of pesky relatives in Congress who certainly have a say.

While I hope this trip through the grocery store was enlightening (I learned a lot writing it!), this might not be the whole story.  There's a long way to go before we reach the register (see what I did there?).  We'll have to hang in the cart a while longer to see what our actual total will be.

Is this even a good budget, or should it be revised?  Where?  Keep the conversation going in the comments section below!

http://wonkette.com/410556/hey-mom-that-guy-in-the-produce-looks-kind-of-like-president-obama